I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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