Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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