I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
