My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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