im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
