I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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