i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Randomize
