and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Randomize
