I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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