and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
