remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
