i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize