I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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