Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I wannas sexs uuuuu
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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