I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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