that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
He did a backflip because drugs
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
