Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
