the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Randomize
