Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
