its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
