I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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