I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
