Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
