Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
