thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
