Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
