You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
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