Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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