every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
