can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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