Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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