You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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