Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
