we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
