everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
