I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
