I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
that may or may not have been my penis.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
