There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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