I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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