ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize