i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
