yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
