Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I lost the right to judge tonight
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
