On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
