It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
