There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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