Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
