So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
