Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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