i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
