my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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