I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
