Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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