Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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