I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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