Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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