Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
