....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize