You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
