I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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