your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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