so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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