All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
