Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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