You tried to poop in the sink last night.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
We don't watch enough power rangers
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
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