dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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