I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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