....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
