I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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