Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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