12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
