I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
