I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Two words: nipple clamps
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