I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize