Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
