My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize