it's too hot outside to masturbate.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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