so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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