: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
