Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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