ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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