i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
We smell like vodka and hangover
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