the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
