I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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