he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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