I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
