I'm lost and stupid without you.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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