I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
