so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
