I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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