Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Randomize
