I puked a lego.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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