I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
