The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
