Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
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