Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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