whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
