you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
this will be a night to untag.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
