Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
