I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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