So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
