Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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