there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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