i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize